A Memo to the Men of the 5th Floor

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Dear fellow male co-workers,

We consider ourselves to be respectful men. We work in an especially immasculating specialty of an already immasculating field. However, in addition to being respectful to our female co-workers, we need to be respectful to each other. This respect has been lacking in one area on our floor lately: the restroom.

In the fifth floor restroom, there are three urinals, laid out side-by-side. Standard men’s restroom etiquette is quite simple: the left and right urinals are acceptable for use, as they provide a buffer between you and a fellow urinator.

But a disturbing trend has emerged over the past few weeks: upon entering the men’s restroom, I have found many men on our floor using the center urinal. When encountering a Center-Urinal User, there is only one option for most men: wait. Center-Urinal Users are apparently unaware of the two-deep line behind them when two urinals are, in their opinion, available for use.

Oddly, Center-Urinal Users apparently find end urinals confining. Most men are much more comfortable at an end urinal, as their junk is not exposed on both sides. Whether they have a streak of exhibitionism or a fear of tiled walls, Center-Urinal Users must be made aware that they are inconveniencing their co-workers.

Thank you for reading. We must stop this plight on our fifth floor restroom. Remember what Bucky the Bathroom Beaver says:

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