[The girlfriend is opposed to me writing this, because she fears that I'll make fun of Maine. I assure you that I have no ill will towards anything about Maine. Except for that L.L. Bean. Who the hell does he think he is with all that flannel?]
From the Bangor Daily News (BANGOR? I don’t even KNOW’ER!):
DOVER-FOXCROFT — One of three men charged with multiple violations of wood measurement regulations that were revealed during a Maine Forest Service investigation that spanned more than 10 months pleaded guilty Monday in 13th District Court.
John Cunningham, 56, of Hudson, entered guilty pleas on 34 counts of violations of wood measurement regulations.
Wood measurement regulations? I bet those could come in handy in the personals on Craigslist.
[I know what you're thinking: "Dick jokes? He's making dick jokes now? Wow, Chris is really scraping the bottom of the barrel this week." Yep, you're right.]
6 Comments
Thursday, February 8, 2007 at 3:55 pm
Do they mean “woods” – as in a forest? I guess I can understand why there would be measurement regulations for that in Maine…gotta keep it natural, beautiful, etc.
But Wood measurement regulations? Ones that are punishable in the court of law? Um, can someone from Maine please explain this?
Thursday, February 8, 2007 at 4:00 pm
OK after doing some research (=typing “wood measurement regulations” into google) I have learned that this John Cunningham person was gypping loggers. I have also learned that the wood measurement regulations in Maine take thirteen pages to delineate. Christ.
Thursday, February 8, 2007 at 6:04 pm
I’m more interested in how you discovered this bit of news. You know there are pills you can take, right?
Thursday, February 8, 2007 at 11:58 pm
What’s wrong with a good dick joke? I think wood measurement violations are hilarious.
Friday, February 9, 2007 at 5:23 am
Oh man, you see that crap on myspace all the time. I didn’t know I could SUE for it!! ;)
Friday, February 9, 2007 at 1:10 pm
As a resident and Notary Public of Maine–and a person you consulted before releasing this article–I hereby banish you from the state for pronoucing Bangor wrong. You had your warning. :-p