After discovering that Surprise! Surprise! had only one type of fan on their web site, I was forced to go on another guilt trip and buy a fan from Best Buy.
It’s just the right kind of fan for my room. You might even say it’s elegant. Okay, you might not, but the manufacturer thinks it is. It’s on the box.
I’m already feeling much cooler. I definitely needed to cool off after my heated experience purchasing this fan.
As you know, Best Buy has a “performance service plan.” It’s basically a way for them to make more money off of you by instilling in you the fear that you might break the product in the next two years. I’m a cheap bastard, and I will not fall for a rip-off like this.
I suppose if I was buying a $500 air conditioner or another large appliance, I might consider it. But I was shocked when the cashier offered it to me on the $49 fan I had just bought – for an extra $8:
Cashier: Would you like to purchase our performance service plan for this fan? It will allow you to return it and have it fixed for free if the motor stops working or the blades get gummed up with dust.
Me: No thanks.
Cashier: Are you sure? It’s only eight dollars. Basically, if it breaks in the next two years, you’ll get a brand new fan for only eight dollars.
Me: No, it’s okay, hopefully in two years, I’ll actually have a bedroom with a window I can put an air conditioner in.
At this point, I was starting to get agitated. I have bought much more expensive items at Best Buy, including a $150 TV, a $120 air conditioner, and a $250 MP3 player without ever being second-guessed on my decision to pass it up. But on this $49 fan, she’s being awfully pushy. So I decided to fight fire with fire.
Cashier: My mom used to have to buy a new fan every six months because the motor would break.
Me: Are you telling me that I’m buying a defective fan? Are you selling me a defective product?
Cashier: No. I’m just sayin’, these things break easily.
Me: Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of it.
Problem solved, right? At this point, I’m already swiping my credit card to finish the transaction.
Cashier: It’s only eight dollars. We’ll even replace the remote control if it breaks.
THE REMOTE CONTROL! Well, there you go. Now I have to get it. Because I’m obviously too lazy to walk 4 feet over to the fan to turn it on or stop it from oscillating.
Me: No thank you.
Cashier: Now you’re just rushing to get this over with, aren’t you?
Me: Yes. And can I get this tied up?
She almost forgot to give me my receipt. And after waiting two minutes at a table, nobody ever came to tie up my box so I could carry it home easily. So I just left.
When I got home, I opened my elegant fan. And found a product registration card… notifying me of the five-year warranty that comes with the fan.
It’s karma, people. I swear, I will honestly start supporting my local small businesses.