In case you didn’t get the memo, the Department of Homeland Security created a list of potential terrorist targets in the United States. Among all states, Indiana led the list with over 8,000 targets. Even New York State only had about 5,000 (the Statue of Liberty? Not on the list. Empire State Building? Not invited to the party). According to DHS, though, we must protect these national treasures!
The terrorists hate popcorn. Especially popcorn from Indiana.
This bratwurst stand at the Apple ‘N Pork Festival in Clinton, Illinois must be protected from the evil-doers!
If you don’t like sweet, furry barnyard animals from Old MacDonald’s Petting Zoo in Woodville, Alabama, then you obviously hate America.
Finally, we must take action to save our nation’s most precious asset: the BeanFest and Championship Outhouse Races in Mountain View, Arkansas.
If we can’t let toothless yokels race down a hill in outhouses on wheels immediately after consuming 2 pounds of beans and cornbread, then the terrorists have truly won.