Frequently Asked Questions: From Taco Hell

Welcome to another installment of Frequently Asked Questions, a new feature on East Village Idiot, where I answer people’s frequently asked questions from web sites other than mine.

Today’s question comes from the “Burning Questions” area of Taco Bell’s web site.

tacobellfaq1.JPG

Um, who exactly wants to know? Are you with the FDA? The USDA? The New York City Health Department? No? Okay, good.

Well, what kind of beef do we use? I don’t know if “beef” is the right word to use. Meat is acceptable, but I wouldn’t go so far as to call it “beef.” Perhaps it’s a “beef-infused variety meats,” or “by-products of beef,” or, judging on texture alone, “beef droppings.” There could be something other than beef in there. Bushmeat. Squirrel. Red Panda. There might be some Ram’s Testicles thrown in there at our location in Iceland.

But we do use some beef. The parts of that taco meat that are beef might be what you call “low-grade.” But we call it “no grade.” But you didn’t hear that from us.

So, that pretty much covers it. There’s your answer.

Oh! I almost forgot! There’s shit in it, too.

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9 Comments

Filed under Frequently Asked Questions

9 responses to “Frequently Asked Questions: From Taco Hell

  1. Nice one Chris. I know you’re waiting for me to respond.

    Unfortunately, I don’t have much of a response. I grew up vegetarian, and I only eat the vegetarian version of items on their menu (substitute refried beans for beef on any item and voila!).

    I grew up loving the beans. So even when I forayed into eating meat a few years ago, my Taco Bell habits were unchanged. I had eaten the beans for years, found my passion for the food through that ingredient. Why mess with a good thing? I do occasionally dabble in the chicken when a new item comes out, but usually head straight back for the beans.

    So I don’t have much a response to your comments on the beef. Never eaten it. Never will.

  2. Why would anyone eating at Taco Bell be concerned about (as one of the questions on the left reads) “quality standards for its ingredients” in the first place? It’s the fucking Taco Bell! Shut up and eat it.

  3. I actually heard somewhere long ago, that Taco Bell uses Grade F meat. The last grade suitable for human consumption. Everything else goes to animals. And yes, I still love Taco Bell.

  4. Why would anybody waste good beef on a taco? Isn’t the whole point of Mexican food finding a way to make lousy meat exciting and irresistible, or at least so spicy you can’t tell what you’re eating?

  5. Marjorie

    Never thought I’d say this but vegetarianism isn’t looking that bad.

  6. rebecca

    it’s mostly circus animals and filler.

  7. drea

    a former employee of the Bell informed me that on the bags (first hint) of meat the line “Grade D but edible” is written.
    who else likes to be convinced their food is edible?a

    deep road trip 911 food only. look for an arby’s.

  8. my husband told me that now, on the bags the meat comes in, it says “suitable for human consumption” and that’s it.

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