The MTA announced this week that they would consider a ban on alcohol sales both on Metro-North and LIRR trains and in their stations. I beg the task force studying the proposal: don’t do it! At $2 a beer, it’s still one of the best deals in New York City, although the atmosphere leaves a bit to be desired. But still, I would pour a 40 for those bar-car employees if they really ended up going through with this. But then again, pouring a 40 would be illegal, and its meaning would probably be lost on commuters from places like Greenwich and Chappaqua.
Here are some Reasons Why The MTA Should NOT Ban Alcohol on LIRR and Metro-North:
- It’s the only $2.00 beer you’ll drink during your entire weekend in the Hamptons.
- Drinking is the only way to drown out the noise of that obnoxious guy who’s on his cell phone for your entire hour-long train ride.
- By the time you get home to Connecticut, it’ll be too late to buy beer there. Plus, you live in Connecticut. You need a drink.
- A nice beer buzz will help you repress memories of weird guys sitting next to you and offering you weed on the train.
- Spilled beer can’t smell any worse than the train lavatory to your left and the guy with nasty B.O. to your right.
- A beer is the only way to numb the pain of having to return to your soulless life and meaningless marriage in the suburbs.