My Gym Membership Did Not Include Nudity-On-Demand

I have to admit, despite horror stories I’ve heard from friends, fellow members of my gym have behaved quite well. Sure, there are the occasional equipment hogs and the guys in the sauna who feel that it’s appropriate to spread their legs despite the fact that they’re only wearing a towel. But until Saturday, I had never been particularly grossed out by any sight in my gym.

Then, on Saturday afternoon, I witnessed something in the restroom area of the locker room that turned my stomach: The Middle-Aged Buck-Naked Flexer Who Enjoys Admiring Himself in the Mirror. I was innocently washing my hands in the sink, when my eyes were assaulted by an unnecessary amount of flesh behind my reflection in the mirror. My first instinct was that he had just misplaced his towel and was returning to a bathroom stall to get it. But I soon realized this was not the case, as he stopped at the sink next to me. He did not wash his hands in the sink, or use the mouthwash or Q-tips or lotion next to the sink. He just stood there, watching the mirror as he flexed like a bodybuilder, contorting himself and his far-from-bodybuilder physique and observing his body from different angles… completely naked.

ipod_earbuds.jpgOh, except he was wearing one thing: headphones. He couldn’t bother to put on a towel, but he had to put on his headphones while standing stark naked in front of the mirror. I guess he needed some “flexing” music.

I think my eyes are still recovering from what I saw.

And despite some people’s claim that they feel “naked without their iPods,” I will attest that those same people can, in fact, still be naked with their iPods.



Filed under Life in NYC

18 responses to “My Gym Membership Did Not Include Nudity-On-Demand

  1. Hahahahaha…Seriously mate, you crack me up:)
    I, for one, just cancelled my gym membership (I am ashamed to admit) so no more horror stories for me (unless it involves looking at myself in the mirror a few months from now, roflmao)…

  2. Any thoughts on what his “felxing music” was? I am guessing Sly Fox’s ‘Lets go all the Way’.

  3. Red

    Hah! My exact thoughts .. . what exactly is flexing music?

  4. I’m assuming it was Olivia Newton-John’s “Physical.”

  5. Ha, or the main theme to ‘Jesus Christ Superstar’

  6. meaghan

    I’m thinking Right Said Fred’s “I’m Too Sexy.”

  7. I was thinking “Vogue” by Madonna.

  8. If we was naked, where was he stashing his iPod? (Nevermind, don’t wanna know.)

  9. As long as it wasn’t Billy Squier’s “Stroke”

    or The Divynls “I Touch Myself.”

    or Cyndi Lauper’s “She Bop”

    or the Vapors “Turning Japanese”

  10. meaghan

    During a pre-membership tour of the 24 hour fitness on 31st St in Santa Monica, my membership rep pointed out the co-ed steam room off of the pool.
    “Co-ed? All the gyms I have belonged to in the past have had 2 steam rooms – one for each sex. Why do you all only have one?” I wondered.
    The membership rep leaned over conspiratorally. “Well, we used to have seperate rooms. But we changed it last year. We had some problems with seperate steam rooms…” And then she whispered “…gay sex.”
    Surprised, I blurted out, “Is there a higher incidence of straight sex in this steam room?”
    Although I ended up joining that chain, I never went back to that specific branch.

  11. Meaghan –
    What gym was this????

    Just kidding.

    I think.

  12. marjorie

    Glad I have a gym in my building and if people do this they do it in their own apartment.

  13. hahahaha! i feel sorry for you, but not sorry enough to not find this hilarous

  14. Karen ;-)

    Ah, it’s like every morning with my ex the body builder…he’d get out of the shower, turn on (I kid you not) either “eye of the tiger,” the Rocky theme, or the theme from *sigh* the movie “Pumping Iron” and watch himself pose in front of the bathroom mirror…maybe he should date the guy from your gym…

  15. Hopeless Drudge

    At least in this case you can join a gym within walking distance of your apartment, and avoid the locker room and this particular example of weird public behavior altogether.

  16. To funny. I think I would have laughed out loud.

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