Elevating My Blood Pressure

Dear Two Girls Who Work in My Building,

elevator.jpgWhy did you feel the need to slow down the very last part of my excruciating commute this morning by getting on the elevator on the 2nd floor and getting off on the 3rd floor? Nobody in the elevator had pressed 2 or 3 when we got on in the lobby, so you added two completely unnecessary stops to our trip.

We have internal stairways in our building. They’re not just there to make the building look pretty. And while I know that not all handicaps are visible (you know, like stupidity), you two look like young, virile women.

I would guess, from your bodies, that you two go to the gym and use the stairmaster. You know, those things are not much different than that stairs in our building. Then again, I realize you might be bored climbing our drab stairway, since you won’t have a TV screen in front of you for that exhausting ten-second workout.

I bet you two are also the types that say, “I can’t eat that cookie – it’s going to go straight to my thighs!” Well, here’s a newsflash: you could eat that cookie if you weren’t so fucking lazy that you had to use the elevator to go up one floor.

Love,
Chris

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26 Comments

Filed under Life at Work

26 responses to “Elevating My Blood Pressure

  1. My company takes up floors, so I always take the stairs in our very large building.

    We had safety and evacuation training last week and they informed us not to take the stairs during regular business hours. So I was pretty much told to take the elevator one flight down if need be. By two very chubby men.

    I still take the stairs.

  2. I despise this with the intensity of 1000 suns.

  3. I was similarly infuriated a couple nights ago when my girlfriend was sitting next to me eating a pint of ice-cream and drinking dieters tea while watching a Donny Deutsch episode about weight loss pills.

    She weighs 108 pounds.

    Fuckin’ unbelievable.

  4. duh! the stairs were out of order!

  5. realnicegirl

    it’s not the best idea for people to use the stairs in many office buildings in the city. often you cannot always enter every floor from the stairs and yes, muggers and robbers do lurk on the stairs, especially in smaller older buildings with crappy security.

    so instead of feeling superior, why not think there is a valid reason why.

  6. Muggers and robbers lurk on the stairs of midtown office buildings? What, are we living the late 1970s? Gimme a break. That’s the lamest excuse for being an inconsiderate lazy ass I’ve ever heard.

  7. Ku

    Wow- that’s great that you are so perceptive that you can tell these women are able-bodied enough to take the stairs. FYI, I had knee surgery last year and had to take the elevator between floors. Looked perfectly healthy. And my co-workers would accompany me from time to time if we were in conversation. Hope no one at my firm was a total judgemental jerk like yourself. Get a life.

  8. residualparadox

    To my understanding, most office buildings only allow you to enter every 2-3 floors or so from the stairs. It has something to do with fire codes. Maybe the door on the third floor is labeled “No Entry” and therefore locked, preventing the girls from taking the stairs.

  9. J

    virile
    1. Of, relating to, or having the characteristics of an adult male.

    I should hope they’re not virile.

  10. …how come you weren’t taking the stairs?

  11. alex

    Ku and realnice girl sound awful upset….. fatties?

  12. luckycharmer

    Ok… I work on the second floor of my office building. Every morning there is a huge line for the elevators, and every morning I get death ray stares when I get off at the second floor. But the stair doors are locked from the inside! You can leave that way, but you can’t get it. I hate it, I would much prefer to skip the wait and just walk up, but it’s not possible. Maybe that’s not the case here, but I’m just saying.

  13. introspectif

    nice one, chris and pinknest :)

  14. “Why take the stairs when you don’t have to?” is probably what they’re thinking.

  15. Jen

    gee, someone’s crabby. Still having a bad day sweetie?

  16. Jeff

    Stairs are NOT out of order on the 2nd and 3rd floor in our building, but people insist on taking the elevator. They just like to gain negative attention with the glaring, I think.

  17. AE

    God I’ve wanted to write a similar post for YEARS. When I lived in College housing the people in my building DID THIS ALL THE TIME.

    They’d get on in the lobby. And press “2”.

    I would just stare at them and will their head to explode.

  18. AE

    Oh, and Women = cognitive dissonance. Chick logic.

    That explains it all.

  19. Where I work, it’s all the hugely fat ladies who take the elevator a floor down for lunch because they have bad knees from, you guessed it, being fat.

    It got so bad that their company plastered their lobby with signs about being healthy and taking the stairs.

    I doubt they were disabled in anyway. Unless being lazy counts.

  20. marjorie

    It’s probably no re-entry.

  21. The biggest flaw in your reasoning is that you presume to know what they are feeling, thinking or experiencing based on their appearance, which is ironic given the fact that discrimination against disabled persons is based on stereotypical assumptions.

  22. Maybe the people who have mentioned that buildings are difficult to navigate through stairs have neglected to think about the fact that you wouldn’t complain about it if you knew that it was impossible to access another floor through stairs.

    Besides, totally legit complaint anyways. If they weren’t able-bodied or what not, so what? You went on your best assumptions. It’s not like your criticism holds much worth to them anyhow, right?

  23. “…so you added two completely unnecessary stops to our trip.”

    Dude… that’s like 40 seconds wasted from the critical functions you perform in the second tier of the advertising world. You should be taking names and reporting them to the principal.

  24. WhoreChurch

    Personally I treasure the opportunity to examine the female form. But then again, I’m not gay.

  25. LOUD NOISES!!!

    MAN! More angry New Yorkers…opinion expressed and BAM; instructed to “get a life.”

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