Dear Two Girls Who Work in My Building,
Why did you feel the need to slow down the very last part of my excruciating commute this morning by getting on the elevator on the 2nd floor and getting off on the 3rd floor? Nobody in the elevator had pressed 2 or 3 when we got on in the lobby, so you added two completely unnecessary stops to our trip.
We have internal stairways in our building. They’re not just there to make the building look pretty. And while I know that not all handicaps are visible (you know, like stupidity), you two look like young, virile women.
I would guess, from your bodies, that you two go to the gym and use the stairmaster. You know, those things are not much different than that stairs in our building. Then again, I realize you might be bored climbing our drab stairway, since you won’t have a TV screen in front of you for that exhausting ten-second workout.
I bet you two are also the types that say, “I can’t eat that cookie – it’s going to go straight to my thighs!” Well, here’s a newsflash: you could eat that cookie if you weren’t so fucking lazy that you had to use the elevator to go up one floor.