On a weekly basis, I am bullied by gay men. No amount of muscle mass will help me defeat these bullies. I feel helpless to stand up to these bullies. And where do I run into these bullies? The steam room at my gym.
I use the steam room every now and then during the winter. It’s good for my dry skin this time of year. It’s very relaxing. Unfortunately, it’s also apparently a very homoerotic experience. Gay patrons of my gym find something arousing about sitting in a steam-filled room with six other guys whose private parts are separated from you by only a towel. I tend to find that part a little uncomfortable, but it’s a reality I can deal with.
But just about every other time that I go in the steam room, I’m bullied out of the steam room by something else. As people enter and leave the room, there seems to be a game of musical chairs that goes on: some guys move around, shift their bodies, shift their towels, and then… um, shift their junk. This doesn’t just happen by coincidence; I think I know what it looks like when another man intentionally exposes himself to me. And thanks to the steam room, I also know what it looks like when a man rushes to get himself off another man’s lap. When I walk in on two men humping like rabbits (but… uh… the kind of rabbits that don’t procreate), I feel like I have no business being in the steam room.
There are certain rules that my gym has in place that I’m willing to forgive people for breaking. No cell phones in the locker room? Unless you’re pointing a camera phone at my bare ass, I don’t really care. The 30-minute limit on cardio machines? If you’re at 30:05, I’m not going to be a time Nazi and kick you off. No swearing? Tell that to a guy who has dropped a 45-pound barbell on his foot.
But if there’s one rule I would like to be enforced at my gym, it’s the no sex in the steam room rule. Considering how frequently I witness it, I am shocked that it hasn’t been stopped. Is nobody willing to say anything? If it’s overlooked like every other rule at my gym, the Steam Room Gang must have the upper-hand. Now I wonder, if I say anything, will the Gay Mafia be after me next?