The New York Sun reported today that desperate parents are now submitting resumes for their children as they apply to exclusive pre-schools in the city.
Ethan Carter Rutherford III
120 E. 74th Street, Penthouse B, New York, NY 10021
To pursue a Pre-School diploma at a top-tier institution that will properly prepare me for the challenges that await in the following 12-20 years of education. Also, to learn my ABCs and count to 10.
Kids at Art (New York, NY): December 2006-Present
Develop artistic ability with various mediums, such as finger paint, construction paper, giant crayons, and felt. Artwork has been displayed on online web gallery and my mommy and daddy’s refrigerator. Received praise for not eating the paste.
Broadway Babies Class (New York, NY): January 2007-Present
Dance and sing with my mommy every week for 45 minutes. Wear silly hats. Beat on bongo drums. Sing along to “Circle of Life” from The Lion King while professionally-trained musicians perform. Was recognized for learning some of the words and not breaking the instruments.
Art Farm In The City (New York, NY): January 2006-December 2006
Attended weekly classes to pet bunnies, hamsters, and turtles. Danced to music with rattles. Received distinctions for not being afraid of running under the parachute and being quiet during story time.
Sonic Yoga Kids (New York, NY): September 2006
Went to Yoga class with my mommy like a big boy. Did not like it. Cried a lot. Calmed down. Pretended I was a tree. Cried again. Made poopy and had to leave.
Currently in the process of potty training, learning to tie shoelaces. Able to clear plate from the dinner table. Trained to drink out of a cup without a sippy top. Can touch my tongue to the tip of my nose. Able to act like a big boy when going to see the doctor. Can spend several hours with my friends without missing my mommy.
Furnished upon request.