This is what you’ve all been waiting for. We’re down to two teams in March Radness. It’s been three weeks in the making, and 63 teams have been eliminated. Your votes have been tallied. You can see how it all went down in this handy PDF file. Two worthy contenders in the Final Four, Cow Bell Man and The Meatpacking District, have been eliminated. Now, after last night’s action, we’re down to our last two contenders. Ladies and gentlemen, the Championship Game will be played between…
The L Train and The Rats at Taco Bell
This will be a tough battle. It’s so tough, in fact, that there’s no way I could break down the matchup on my own. So, to give you a little convincing, I’ve brought on two guest bloggers: Amish, of Amish in the City, and Kate, of Logged Hours, will be showing their “school spirit.”
First up, Kate makes her case for The L Train:
Alright, kiddies, listen up. You have a choice to make. And don’t bother listening to Amish down there, because he drank the Kool Aid and thinks that Taco Bell is real food. As far as I’m concerned, Taco Bell is equally disgusting with or without the rats.
First of all, without the L, there would be no gentrified, hipster Williamsburg. Now, there are some wonderful parts of gentrified, hipster Williamsburg, particularly Barcade and Crocodile Lounge (say what you will, but any bar that gives me a free pizza with every beer is pretty fucking sweet in my eyes). However, Williamsburg is also home to a million trust fund asshats like this dude.
Now, provided that you actually wanted to go to Williamsburg and endure a million conversations about how “their first album was WAY better”, it’s highly unlikely you’d be able to get there in less than an hour. This is because a.) the trains don’t come at any thing resembling normal intervals and b.) the trains are so crowded that you can’t even get on them when they do arrive. Additionally, if you’re going out to Billyburg on a Saturday, you better find a couch to crash on, my friend, because that train isn’t fucking coming. Ever. Perhaps the reason that most hipsters look like homeless people is because they spend half their time sleeping on the L platform, waiting for it to come.
Vote the L train!
Now, Amish makes his case for The Rats at Taco Bell:
First of all, Kate is right. I do love Taco Bell. It is my happy place. A place for me to forget all about all of my worries, kick back with a bean burrito or eight, and Glutton myself into a reserved spot in Hell. So even though these rats have robbed me, and this city, of one of our many happy places, I harbor no ill will toward them.
Quite frankly, I’m jealous. I mean, who wouldn’t want to storm a Taco Bell and eat everything on site? What with their soft, buttery tortillas, dizzying array of melted and shredded cheeses, soothing lard-free refried beans, and wittily adorned Hot Sauce packets, its a wonder that this didn’t happen sooner. By me.
God Damn! It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about the leader of the rat pack, face painted blue, pacing in front of his brethren before he leads them in their charge.
“Aye, fight and you may die, run, and you’ll live… at least for a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin’ to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that THEY MAY TAKE OUR GREEN ONIONS, BUT THEY’LL NEVER TAKE….OUR FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
So vote for the rats, because they stormed that Taco Bell like it was fucking Normandy. And now here they are, a #16 seed going into the Championship, making the hearts of Taco Bell lovers and Cinderella fans swell with pride. In simplest terms, they have shown up. Unlike the L Train.
There you have it. Now, it’s your turn to vote for the March Radness Champion! Vote early, and vote often. Voting ends on Thursday, April 5th at 3pm.
March Radness Championship Game
CLICK HERE TO SEE THE RESULTS!