You know what I’m talkin’ about, guys.
Wait, no! Get your minds out of the gutter. We can save the ta-ta conversation for another day.
This weekend, it suddenly got warm, and out of nowhere, it appears as though the canine population of the city has increased tenfold. On Saturday, I couldn’t walk more than a few yards without passing a dog and its minder on the sidewalk. I would use the term “master,” but in New York City, it appears as though humans are subservient to their dogs.
Seriously, dog owners in this city are absolutely nuts. Now, I like dogs, but not to the point where I will cater to their every need, like $200 groomings, skin exfoliation treatments, and nutritional counseling. Yes, and don’t get that precious fur dirty on those stinky, dusty dog runs! That’s the place where every one of their neighbors’ dogs will try to hump each other, because they all live in tiny apartments and have no other means of expending their energy. That’s why they were all outside last weekend: at last, the dogs were liberated from their holding cells on the 14th floor of a luxury doorman building. No dog should have to live like that! That’s animal cruelty!
And thanks to the apparent need to display their dogs as ornaments, the New York city dog owner’s needs apparently include doggie strollers (because your dog is too good for walking), gourmet dog bowls, and couture doggie sweaters. They will carry their little dogs in those stupid little bags. They will insist on their rights to take their dogs into stores, the subway, and restaurants. Restaurants? Last I checked, dogs eat manufactured food out of bowls – not fresh field greens off of plates.
This nutjob actually had the nerve to write into Eater this week:
What’s up with BR guest restaurants and there sidewalk seating policy? No dogs allowed? C’mon, this is a joke. My dog was urinating in the same area 2 days ago and now we can’t enjoy a drink outside. I am referring to both Atlantic grill and 3rd ave Dos Caminos. Why this ridiculous policy? An example was that my dog was in a bag not making a peep and some jerk employee from Atlantic grill ran up a said “I know you have a dog in that bag” I thought “who cares I’m sitting outside”, wrong! We were not able to sit outside so maybe you can ask someone over there “what’s there freaking deal”. Please post this on your website so animal owners are aware.
Are you kidding me? You have a dog in your bag at a goddamn restaurant! I don’t care if you’re outside or inside, that’s disgusting. If you’re going to go out drinking, LEAVE YOUR DOG AT HOME! I especially love how she says “we can’t enjoy a drink outside.” Your dog is not enjoying a drink – you are! In case you forgot, your dog is an animal. It is not sitting in the chair across from you, sipping a martini and gossiping about your hot date last night.
These people are seriously batshit crazy… no, dogshit crazy.