The No-Rush Hipster
Habitat: Subway stations, particularly on the L train.
Description: The term “rush hour” is more relevant in New York City than anywhere else. Any time that a train rolls into a station as commuters descend the staircase, most will have a penchant to move quickly in order to catch that train and make it to work on time.
This is not so with The No-Rush Hipster. Despite his youthful appearance and lack of any physical handicap, he takes the hipster mentality to new levels of oblivion. The No-Rush Hipster will take his sweet, sweet time getting to a subway platform, even if there’s a train ten steps in front of him. After all, he’s in no rush. He’s never in a rush. He’s a hipster! He has no job. He doesn’t believe in things like “deadlines” or “timeliness” or “hours” or “reality.” He’s not in a hurry to get somewhere to earn his living – everything he needs is in his trust fund, which packs the pocket of his ultra-slim jeans with cash.
We commuters, with real jobs that earn real money, don’t need someone like the No-Rush Hipster getting in our way during our morning commute. Really, the question that lingers is: what is the No-Rush Hipster doing in the subway at 8:30am? I’m willing to bet he’s still wasted from some hipster art show or indie rock after-hours party. So, next time he’s in your way, just bowl him over! He won’t feel a thing!
Rating on the Peevery Scale: