The Field Trip
Habitat: Heavily-trafficked tourist areas
Description: Deserving of being trailed by a boombox playing “Flight of the Bumblebees,” The Field Trip envelopes any sidewalk with a massive swarm of children and chaperoning adults. The Field Trip’s members will undoubtedly all wear the same color t-shirt (generally, something neon) with the name of their school or youth group emblazoned, reminding all other pedestrians that no, they’re not from here, and yes, they have no respect for the fact that other people have a right to move down the sidewalk.
There is no way to move beyond these swarms of children. The adults do nothing to keep the children at bay. Remember in kindergarten, when we were all instructed to “line up, single file?” Apparently, today’s generation of kids was never enlightened. Of course, this would even further lengthen The Field Trip’s obstruction to about ten blocks, instead of just one or two. Even worse than the traditional Field Trip is the hand-holding Field Trip: a group of first or second graders who are forced to hold hands in a line. This isn’t Hands Across America, kiddies. Get the hell out of our way.
The NYPD recently instituted new rules for parades to include “a recognizable group of 50 or more pedestrians […] proceeding together upon any public street or roadway.” Screw Critical Mass; the first group they should target with this rule are these massive herds of Midwestern cattle.
Rating on the Peevery Scale: