An Important Message from the MTA

service.jpgMTA New York City Transit

Service Alert

Posted on:8/8/2007 4:27:05 PM

Due to a single droplet of water falling from the sky mistaken for rain that was actually condensation from an air conditioner in a 17th floor apartment, there are delays on the following subway lines:

1.jpg trains are running between 14th Street and 18th Street in both directions.

2.jpg and 3.jpg uptown trains will terminate at 96th Street, as they are afraid to go into Harlem.

4.jpg, 5.jpg, and 6.jpg trains will be making two loops around Central Park before getting you to your destination, because they need some fresh air.

7.jpg trains are enjoying a hot dog and beer at Willets Point-Shea Stadium and will resume normal operation once the game is over.

a.jpg, b.jpg, c.jpg and d.jpg trains are not running at all, because they really just don’t have time for your crap today.

e.jpg trains are running express in Manhattan, enjoying the nice cool breeze they get from going 30 miles an hour.

f.jpg and v.jpg trains are stuck in some neighborhood in Queens that you’ve never heard of.

g.jpg trains are currently experiencing an inferiority complex and will not run until further notice/counseling.

j.jpg, m.jpg, and z.jpg trains are running normally, of course, since nobody ever uses these trains.

l.jpg trains are running between Princeton Junction and Hoboken. We really can’t explain how they ended up there.

n.jpg and q.jpg trains are currently running on the Cyclone track at Coney Island-Stillwell Ave.

r.jpg and w.jpg trains are feeling nostalgic right now, and are currently running over the Brooklyn Bridge.

s.jpg service is suspended between Times Square-42nd Street and Grand Central-42nd Street. You can just walk. You do have legs, don’t you?

We would apologize for the inconvience, but we like to watch you suffer. Thank you for riding with MTA New York City Transit!

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28 Comments

Filed under Life in NYC

28 responses to “An Important Message from the MTA

  1. Bizarre isn’t it how the NY subway system and London Underground are so closely related? Made me giggle and wish I’d applied it to the Northern line et al (by the way the Northern line is definitely the tube line that needs major therapy, I’m surprised Kiley hasn’t taken it back with him for a serious 12 step rehab)

  2. This is a serious question I pondered during my 3 hour commute to work today…. When the hell did it even rain?!?!

  3. Tyler

    excellent job. the mta gets a whack with a wet noodle from the resident “idiot.”

  4. HA!

    Very nice my friend. I love it.

  5. Marjorie

    The 1 minute it takes the S to go from Times Sq to Grand Central saves you the extra 7 minutes it would take to walk there, meaning you catch your train.

  6. J$

    9.2/10
    (the swedish judge gave the low score- clearly the swedes don’t understand humor)

  7. The 1 minute it takes the S to go from Times Sq to Grand Central saves you the extra 7 minutes it would take to walk there, meaning you catch your train.

    You missed the point. By about four miles.

  8. that is so funny. what about the T??? THE T!

  9. This is a thing of beauty. Well done!

  10. Haha, awesome. I’m pondering joining the 7 for some good laughs at Shea.

  11. Kim

    HA!…remember when there was a 9 train…what ever happened to the 9?

  12. Val

    I know i’m a little late commenting…

    “The 1 minute it takes the S to go from Times Sq to Grand Central saves you the extra 7 minutes it would take to walk there, meaning you catch your train.”

    The 7 is the exact same with just one tiny extra stop. is this shuttle REALLY necessary?

  13. Very funny. What the hell is wrong with the NYC MTA?
    …..uh, and ConEdison=equally incompetent.

  14. HA!…remember when there was a 9 train…what ever happened to the 9?

    9 train service ran skip-stop with the 1 in northern Manhattan and the Bronx. The MTA stopped 9 and skip-stop service in 2005 due to gentrification. There were too many clamoring to get on board the West Side IRT locals in the Washington Heights area and skip-stop service left too many people stranded. That was their logic at least.

  15. aww, all the colors look so pretty!

  16. Heh heh, this was a great post. Nice!!!!

    And the reason why I walk home three miles every day from work is because, even during a normal day, you can’t count on the MTA to get you where you need to go quickly.

  17. And the reason why I walk home three miles every day from work is because, even during a normal day, you can’t count on the MTA to get you where you need to go quickly.

    That’s a bit extreme, no? I take the subway to and from work everyday. In general, it gets me there just fine.

  18. I’ve waited 20 minutes for the 6 train before between 5:00 p.m. and 6:00 p.m. After being at work, the last thing I want to do is stand on a hot, humid subway platform.

    I’d rather walk.

  19. Hopeless Drudge

    I waited 15 minutes for the 4/ 5 that morning until there was an announcement that there was no service on that line (no mention was made that most of the rest of the system wasn’t functioning either). Why did I wait that long? Because sometimes there is a delay that long on the 4/ 5.

    In fact I credit my practice at finding alternate routes to work on a “normal” morning in case of an “incident” to making it to work on the 8th.

  20. Pingback: A little water floods the MTA’s Website too « Second Ave. Sagas | Blogging the NYC Subways

  21. Pingback: Top Posts « WordPress.com

  22. Hahahah! I LOVE your love/hate relationship with the NYC subway system. This subway schedule should be posted everywhere. Every DAY.

  23. Kendrick

    hi nice post, i enjoyed it

  24. BNY

    I have been laughing at this post every other day for the past week and a half.

    You should consider stand-up. And I need to get out more … or read some new blogs.

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