In Which I Break Down and Write About Crocs


 I think it’s become abundantly clear that the entire city of New York hates Crocs. They cast them off as an ugly trend in footwear reserved for bandwagon-jumping local yokels from flyover states. They insist that they have no useful purpose – especially not in New York.

I, too, was among those who detested Crocs. I saw no need for brightly-colored decorative plastic footwear with holes.

Then, one day earlier this month, I got a pair of Crocs.

(Note that I did not buy a pair of Crocs. They were given to me as a gift from a sales rep at work. I was actually slightly offended by the gift. I was embarassed just to carry them home.)

One night later that week, just to entertain myself, I finally put them on. I was incredibly disappointed – disappointed in how comfortable they were. I didn’t want to take them off. It was like little plastic gnomes were massaging my feet with every step.

On vacation in New Hampshire, I wore my Crocs every single day. I basked in the comfort of their soft plastic soles. I let my feet feel the breeze through their ventilated holes. I even wore them to a bar. Nobody scoffed at them. Nobody pointed out my unsightly footwear. Nobody said a word about my Crocs. You see, everyone in New Hampshire understands that while Crocs are not particularly attractive, they are functional.

Seriously, New Yorkers. What the hell is your deal? Why you gotta hate on Crocs? I would think that New Yorkers would be ones to understand that things can be ugly, yet functional. Hell, this entire city is “ugly, yet functional.” Just look at our subway system: ugly, yet functional. Look at the Queensboro Bridge: ugly, yet functional. Look at the Meatpacking District: ugly, yet… actually, that’s a bad example. The Meatpacking District is completely dysfunctional.

You will never see me walking through Union Square in Crocs. I will not be the scorn of swarms of you overly-fashion-forward New Yorkers. But I will pity you, because you just don’t know what you’re missing.



Filed under Life in NYC

22 responses to “In Which I Break Down and Write About Crocs

  1. When I moved to Boulder 20 months ago I couldn’t believe people wore those atrocious things. Then, around 10 months ago I found myself in a pair of them. I must say, nothing feels better on my feet than a pair of Crocs. I don’t wear them to work on any regular occasion or to have a big night on the town. However, when I’m going out to run a quick errand, go grocery shopping or to just bum around they are always on my feet.

  2. would think that New Yorkers would be ones to understand that things can be ugly, yet functional. Hell, this entire city is “ugly, yet functional.” But you will never see me walking through Union Square in Crocs.
    Preach it!

  3. damn.
    does this mean i will have to suck it up and actually try on those lurid pink things my cousin bought for me last christmas that have been taking up space in the closet.
    i had, until this point, absolutely refused.
    i thought they were adorable on my 4 year old nieces feet and that was that.
    but now…. now you say they’re ok.
    and you don’t like much.

    you sorta like em…
    my life is now upside down.
    thanks a lot.

  4. I think this means that you have officially jumped the shark.

    I can’t stand those things. I went to a doctor’s office once and one of the doctors was wearing those stupid things. The receptionist asked me if I had a preference on who I saw. I told her anyone but the guy in the Crocs.

    Crocs make the baby Jeebus cry.

  5. I don’t know if we can be friends anymore.

  6. As someone who lives in a “Flyover” state… I must… say…

    oh fuck it. I’m never defending Kansas.

  7. Never even heard of these before. Don’t think I’d ever buy a pair, but I’ll give you that they’re not as awful looking as Uggs.

  8. Yeah, Crocs were born between Boulder and Longmont… they were popular in 2003 and wow did I get some stares when I wore them in Chicago. Of course, not that I wore them in the city.

  9. The Joy

    I’ll take crocs over flip flops any damn day – women who don’t take care of their feet parading ingrown toenails, callused heels, hairy toes, ugh, I want to hurl every time I see ’em. Flip flops are alternately called “shower shoes” and that’s the only place for ’em. And those mesh plastic slipper things with the fake flowers? Your feet are .5 mm from the sidewalk upon which you’re treading. That’s gross. At least crocs a.) hide gross toes b.) elevate your foot more than a quarter of an inch from the ground.

  10. Crocs is functional, but they’re working on the “ugly”. Check these out:

    And they have some really nice new one’s out, one that’s not the ugly Clog Thingy, called Alice:'alice'_slip-on_(women):195644&cm_ven=Froogle&mr:trackingCode=10F3A58E-0050-DC11-8E88-001422107090&mr:referralID=NA

    and one that’s perfect for winter called Mammoth

    You can keep the dirt brown Clog thing, leave it in Denmark, but I’ll get the coxy Mammoth and the Sleek Alice soon :)

    these are hot too:

  11. Val

    I just can’t believe it. As a Texas girl, I still can’t stand these things…are you kidding me?!

    No one scoffed or pointed because they were just talking about you behind your back and joking with their girlfriends when they left the bar…you just may have not noticed.

    Oh Chris, I don’t know you and forgive me if this is harsh but you need to step up your game.

  12. TinyURL is a very good thing sometimes…

  13. I think these are the ugliest things ever, yet I am strangely intrigued because of how comfortable people say they are.

  14. I need to try these, bet we could bring em back in style.

  15. Liz

    As a result of this post I spent the entire day shopping with my friends trying to convince them that these were ok to buy. They flat out refused, even to the “cute” ones. I may have to stop lurking around your blog.

  16. This topic is quite trendy in the net at the moment. What do you pay the most attention to while choosing what to write about?

  17. colleen

    Crocks eat babies

  18. The P.O.E.T.

    I love Crocs. I will debate with anyone who wants to debate about the comfort of these ugly shoes. I’ve seen uglier shoes than these but…. that’s not the point. I am diabetic and these are complete lifesavers.

  19. Crocs like any other piece of apparel have their place. Mine sit out back and I wear them when I’m in the dirt of my garden. The cleanup easily and they’re comfortable but I would never wear them outside of my house. Never never never.

  20. One quick comment. I love the fact that the shoes are practical cheap and comfortable. In California where I live people dress comfortably there is no pretense, and only politicians wear suits. I’ve been in meetings where CEOs and multimillionaire executives are in crocs and shorts. Scary as that might be I guess they can do whatever they want. It seems as though everyone else dresses with the same level of comfort in mind. While these particularly crazy plastic shoes are as weird as weird gets they are not half as weird sneakers with Armani… Those men who take after the subway sneaker women who hide a pair of heels in their giant bags. But where do men keep the change of shoes? In the wallet? LOL

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