Someone Else’s Mail: Home Alone

someoneelses.jpgLike many early adopters of GMail, I have a relatively simple e-mail address. This has an unfortunate consequence: I get Someone Else’s Mail all the time. I presume they have the same first initial and last name that I do, because it’s generally addressed to a Connor, Craig, Cathy, or Caitlyn. So, let’s start this new feature. Here’s the most recent message to land in my mailbox, and my open reply:

Hi Cait,

Just checking in! How was your first day of work?

How’s ROsie? Are you taking her out for walks?

Have you heard from Matt? Is he okay?

We got an email from Erin. She sounds good.

We’ll email you on Saturday. Let you know when we will be home.

Make sure the cleaning crew that you hired cleans up everything! get rid of all the evidence of your parties!

Love, Mom and Dad

Hi Mom and Dad,

God Dammit! You go on some fancy vacation while you leave your poor daughter home alone with the burden of walking Rosie while she’s trying to focus on her first day of work? It’s a miracle you even remembered that today was your daughter’s first day of work. You can’t even remember her e-mail address! And you have the nerve to joke about parties. Do you think she has time for parties? She’s dealing with abandonment issues right now because she’s been left home alone for God knows how long, and she still hasn’t heard from her own parents!

For shame!

Love, Chris

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4 Comments

Filed under Someone Else's Mail

4 responses to “Someone Else’s Mail: Home Alone

  1. You should have posed as the daughter and told the parents you were pregnant. Father unknown.

  2. p.s. The important thing is that Matt is ok.

  3. I agree with Ryan. Something along the lines of, “Dear Mom and Dad, I’ve started taking heroin. I hate you. Cut me out of the will. Love, Cait”.

  4. Evan

    You did NOT do that? AHAHAHAH!

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