So, I’m about to sound like a total jackass here. And my apologies to those readers of mine who take this seriously. There’s a topic that I need to talk about. Another blogger finally broke the silence on this topic a couple weeks ago in a much more straightforward manner. I’m not straightforward. I would rather make backhanded remarks in the form of mockery. So, here – in rough form – is an e-mail that lands in my inbox roughly five times a week:
Oh my God! Is this you? Is this really you, the East Village Idiot? I just found your blog and I think it’s totally awesome. I can really relate to a lot of the stuff you write about. You’re such a good writer! Additional insincere praise here. Sorry, I cannot pull my lips away from your ass.
So, I have a question. I was thinking… I have a blog, and you have a blog. So, can we, like, “trade links?” You know… I’ll link to your blog on my blog and you link me back! You should check out my blog! I’ve got a picture of my 6-month-old baby girl drooling in my header, a photo album from my last vacation to Branson, Missouri, and a story about how my cat loves to play with the ball of twine in my backyard in suburban Omaha, Nebraska!
But I’m not going to link to you unless you link to me. And you should totally link to me! I’m sure all of your readers would love to waste time clicking on the link in your blogroll to my blog, spending time reading my meaningless drivel, leaving completely unenetertained, and demanding 2 minutes of their life back.
After this, I’m going to e-mail that Jason Mulgrew guy who writes a funny blog I read once and tell him that he should link to me, too. Maybe I’ll e-mail Gawker, too. But I’m not linking them unless they link me back! They’d be total jerks not to link to me. So would you.
Okay, well, thanks in advance! Catch you on the Internets!
The blogroll is a service to you, the reader, offering blogs that I enjoy reading and hope that you will enjoy reading, too. Please, take advantage of it. Cherish these links – I’m rarely pleased with the crap I find in the World Wide Webiverse.