Category Archives: News

You Don’t Say.


Um, I don’t think that phrase applies in this situation. ‘Dead’ is bad.



Filed under General stupidity, News

Good News, Bad News

Today’s top news stories, as plotted on the official East Village Idiot “How Much I Care” Spectrum:


Filed under News

Breaking News: 92.3 to Become K-Rock at 5pm

old-krock.jpgFor those of you like me who have completely stopped listening to radio because there’s nothing decent on the airwaves anymore, I have some news.

January 1, 2006 was a dark day for radio in New York. That’s when K-Rock flipped formats to the trainwreck that was “Free FM,” a talk station that was anchored by two shows that were kicked off the air for either poor ratings or poor taste.

At 5pm today, rock will be back on the radio in New York at 92.3.

At 5pm today, I might start listening to the radio again.

UPDATE at 6:15pm: Same old shit.

An open letter to the “new” K-Rock:

Dear K-Rock,

In the first hour of your “return” this afternoon, I heard you play both Papa Roach and Rush within 15 minutes of each other.

I would love to meet your ideal listener. You know, the one who is both a fan of Papa Roach and Rush.

If you can introduce me to a substantial number of people in New York who are fans of both of the aforementioned bands and will support your station, I will immediately stop bitching about your trainwreck programming.

Until then, wake the fuck up and remember that if someone wants to listen to Rush, they can turn on Q104. Or even Jack FM – a station that you own.

Yours truly,
The East Village Idiot


Filed under News

I’m Feeling Congested Today

I don’t mean to go on a rant here, but… 

People Who Have No Right to Complain About Proposed “Congestion Pricing” in Manhattan:

  • The douchebag from Long Island who blew $75,000 on a Land Rover but whines about spending $8 a day to drive into Manhattan. He also whines about paying for his kid’s new braces, but generously paid for his wife’s boob job.
  • The douchebag from New Jersey who spends $450 a month on a parking space near his office, where he parks after driving for an hour and a half, passing ten NJ Transit stations where a monthly parking permit and monthly train pass would cost half that. Unfortunately, riding the train would give him too much time to think about his crumbling marriage and mundane life in the suburbs.
  • The douchebag from Westchester who voluntarily chose to move so far from Manhattan that he spends $800 in gas every month for the 75-mile commute in his Hummer H2, which, along with his big house, compensates for his small penis.
  • The douchebag who lives on the Upper East Side and drives to his Wall Street office in his BMW, just a make the simple statement: he is more important than you are.
  • The douchebag cop from the Bronx who drives his clunker to his precinct in Manhattan, using $10 in gas and parking illegally on the sidewalk every day just to accentuate his masculinity. After all, taking the subway for $4 round-trip is for pussies.

People Who Have Every Right to Complain About Proposed “Congestion Pricing” in Manhattan:

  • Every Manhattan resident, who will get screwed in one of two ways (or both!):
    • The new $21 toll that suppliers’ and retailers’ delivery trucks must pay each time they enter the city will be passed to Manhattan consumers in the form of price increases.
    • In an effort to avoid the $21 toll, trucks will make all of their deliveries overnight, generating even more noise pollution in off-hours when most New Yorkers are trying to sleep.


Filed under Life in NYC, News

Acting Governor Reinforces New Jersey Stereotypes

codey.jpgI did a double-take when I heard Acting Governor Richard Codey make this suggestion to the citizens of New Jersey in a news conference about the Nor’easter yesterday:

“Catch up on reading, spend time with family, or watch The Sopranos. The best thing people can do is to stay home.”


Filed under News

All Vermonters are Sex Offenders in Wisconsin


If you live in Vermont, you might want to think about cancelling your road trip to Wisconsin:

Wisconsin’s worst sex offenders would have to drive around with bright green license plates, possibly for the rest of their lives, under a bill a Republican lawmaker introduced Monday. He picked green because children associate it with Mr. Yuk, a symbol designed to warn children of poison.

Personally, I think it’s a ploy by dairy farmers to keep Vermont cheese out of “America’s Dairyland.”


Filed under News, Vermont Memories

Idiots of the Week: Everyone Responsible for the Conviction of Julie Amero

idiot1.jpgThis week, I’m going to bestow the honor of Idiot of the Week to a countless number of people who have ruined a Connecticut substitute teacher’s life. Among them, the parents of the students in her classroom, the administration of the middle school she was working at, the Norwich Police detective (pictured) who conducted a faulty investigation, the judge at her trial, the heartless prosecutor, the jury that found her guilty, many others who have propagated this travesty.

Some background: Julie Amero, a 40-year-old substitute teacher in Norwich, Connecticut, was looking over a class in October 2004. There was a computer at the front of the classroom.  Poronographic material appeared on the screen while she was present in the room.

GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY! She must clearly be guilty! She showed porn to children! That’s disgusting!

That’s the kneejerk reaction one might have without any of the facts of the case. So, here’s the evidence that essentially got ignored by the judge, the jury, and the so-called “prosecution expert” (a corrupt police detective who has no formal training in information technology, used the results of a computer scanning program that doesn’t detect spyware as evidence, and had previously been charged with misconduct for drinking on the job and creating his own pornography): the administrators did not have any anti-virus or anti-spyware protection on the school’s computers, which ran an old version of Windows and Internet Explorer. The “pornographic material” was a bevy of malicious pop-up ads. The more Amero closed the pop-up windows, the more the ads popped up.

popups.jpgI could go on, but even my computer-illiterate AARP-card-carrying father understands why she’s innocent, so I won’t waste my breath.

The prosecution claimed that she purposely pulled up these images and displayed them to her class. They said nothing about her mental state and emotional reaction once the images appeared, nor her efforts to turn the computer away from the classroom, nor the fact that students had been using the computer unsupervised at the time. They blocked a defense expert from testifying based on a clerical error, and they called no witnesses who were actually versed in information technology.

Unfortunately, that initial kneejerk reaction seems to be as deep as any of this week’s Idiots of the Week were willing to go during her trial. The only thing she did wrong was not turn off the computer – because she was told not to by school staff. That’s a mistake that’s not worth a night in jail, let alone the 40 years in prison she now faces. The case goes to sentencing later this month.

So, congratulations, Idiots of the Week! You ruined a woman’s good name, put her under stress that led to the miscarriage of her child, and reaffirmed the constant miscarriage of justice that takes place in American courts.

Oh, you also reaffirmed the fact that Connecticut sucks.

What, you thought I could get through that rant without mentioning my distaste for that state?

Idiot of the Week runner-up: Former Hampton Bays Elementary School Principal Andrew Albano, who fired a teacher because he thought she was a witch. No, seriously. I wish I was making that up. The American education system is brimming with idiots. And I’m not just talking about the students.


Filed under Idiot of the Week, News