Category Archives: Odds and Ends

Update: Don’t Panic, I’m All Right

After a visit to the hospital, a couple days of bedrest, and many doses of steroids, I’m back in the game and back to work tomorrow.

I just hope the Commissioner of Blogging doesn’t test for performance-enhancing drugs.

Side note: outside of this blog’s title, this week’s top Google search term leading to my blog has been “glory holes in New Hampshire,” probably because of this post. I don’t think I can help you there, fellas.

But I do know of a couple people who probably can:

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Mad at the World

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They tried to make me go to Rehab, I said one more drink.

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I used to be against burning books… until I heard about this one 210 times a day for the past week.

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David Chase got an Emmy nomination? I didn’t know there was a category for Biggest Cocktease.

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I hope you get bit by a rabid dog.

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Odds and Ends: It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere

And that “somewhere” right now (3:30pm EST): St. John’s, Newfoundland

  • neverforget.JPGI finally caved and created a MySpace profile for my blog. Now, if you’re feeling lonely and dejected, you can add this blog as a friend. Hey, it’s better than adding some imaginary chick with a webcam.
  • In case you missed it last week, the Boston Police panicked again and blew up a traffic counter that it thought was a bomb. I am so ashamed. So, next time a rowdy Yankees fan shouts, “Boston sucks” at me, I’ll gladly reply, “yeah, you’re right, it does. But our baseball team doesn’t.”

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It’s Wednesday, And I Hate the World

Heather Mills McCartney

It’s not called Limping with the Stars.
Heather Mills

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Hey, you’ve got a little something on your forehead. Oh, is that what that is? Oh… uh… well, this is awkward.
Ash Wednesday

Bald Britney Spears

Don’t worry, Britney! When I was 15, a bad haircut sent me into rehab, too. It happens to everyone.
Britney Spears

Tim Hardaway and Ted Haggard

I have a feeling that these two would love each other. But, you know, not in that way.
Tim Hardaway and Ted Haggard

Taylor Hicks in New Orleans

Huh. Suddenly, I wish New Orleans was still under water.
Taylor Hicks

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Odds and Ends: After a 14-hour Workday, I Hate Everything

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L, as in a fucking set of Legs would be faster

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I hope a fat chick sits on you.

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Tweedle-dee

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Tweedle-dumb

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Tweedle-dumber

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Tweedle-dumbest

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If Tigger Did It, Here’s How I’m Going to File a Frivolous Lawsuit

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Go fuck yourself.

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What Cheney said.

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You live in Manhattan. Use your fucking legs like the rest of us.

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To Make Up for the Last Post (And Take Out Some Aggression)

Have you seen this ad for T-Mobile that’s been on Gawker recently? And wouldn’t you want to punch this woman in the face if she was in line behind you?

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Odds and Ends: Way Down Yonder on Britney’s Coochie

britney_spears_beach_surf.jpgHere’s an edition of Odds and Ends in which I ask myself questions: 

Have you seen any of those pictures of Britney Spears exposing herself?

No, I have not seen a picture of Britney Spears’ cooch yet, thanks.

I spend a lot more time online at work than I do at home. And when I come home, the first things on my mind are “I wonder what I should have for dinner” and “I should watch some TV,” not “OH MY GOD, I HAVE TO SEE ONE OF THOSE PICTURES OF BRITNEY SPEARS’ VAG!”

Are you listening to Yellowcard right now?

As a matter of fact, I am. Because I totally have the musical taste of a 16 year-old girl.

Did you really get drunk off of four beers in four hours last night?

Yes, I did. My tolerance has gone down the drain. This is disheartening, as my birthday party is a week from Saturday.

Oh! It’s your birthday soon? Can I get you something?

Yes, I celebrate the 4th anniversary of my 21st birthday in two weeks. And, yes, you can get me something. You’re so kind for thinking of me, Bold Italicized Chris!

foamfinger.jpgDoes the giant yellow foam finger sticking up from your cube at work really look like a huge dildo from across the floor?

Yes. As a matter of fact, it does.

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