Category Archives: Politics

5 Statements Made by Radio Personalities Who Have Not Been Fired

“Have you ever noticed how all composite pictures of wanted criminals resemble Jesse Jackson?” – Rush Limbaugh, host of a radio program syndicated on nearly 600 radio stations nationwide

“Many, many, many of the poor in New Orleans are in that condition. They weren’t going to leave no matter what you did. They were drug-addicted. They weren’t going to get turned off from their source. They were thugs, whatever.” – Bill O’Reilly, host of a radio program syndicated on over 400 radio stations nationwide

“A woman not only who was distasteful physically, but is distasteful mentally. […] This hag, this hack, this brisket maker has the audacity to say that we should be having a dialogue with the Hitler of our time — coming from that hag who happens to be Jewish is a triple disgrace.” – Michael Savage (on former Secretary of State Madeline Albright), host of a radio program syndicated on 400 radio stations nationwide

“She looks like a ghetto slut. It’s just — it’s hideous. No, it’s not braided. It just flies away from her head in every conceivable direction. It looks like an explosion in a Brillo pad factory. It’s just hideous.” – Neil Boortz (on U.S. Representative Cynthia McKinney), host of a radio program syndicated on over 300 radio stations nationwide  

“I didn’t think I could hate [Hurricane Katrina] victims faster than the 9/11 victims.” – Glenn Beck, host of a CNN Headline News television program and a radio program syndicated on over 250 radio stations nationwide

(Note: Don Imus was syndicated on 90 stations nationwide. And the above comments weren’t jokes.)

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Filed under Politics, Television

It’s All Smoke and Urine

nosmoking.jpgWhile waiting for the light to change at the corner of 14th and 3rd this morning, a girl blew cigarette smoke in my face while I was taking a swig of juice. The taste of the hundreds of chemicals masked the taste of my juice. It was disgusting. I nearly choked. And I nearly choked her.

I’m going to make a bold statement here. It’s not one that my cancer-stick-loving friends will take lightly. Nor is it one that my freedom-loving friends will take lightly. 

If urinating in public is illegal, smoking in public should be illegal.

Urinating in public is illegal because it is perceived to be detrimental to society. It is unsightly. But it is not unhealthy. Urine is sterile once it leaves the human body. It does not contain bacteria. Hell, you can use fresh urine to clean wounds (remember that next time you drunkenly trip on the sidewalk). The smell that lingers from the urine stain on the sidewalk is enough to make someone gag, but it’s not unhealthy. Urine doesn’t pollute our air and groundwater. And let’s face it: when you gotta go, you gotta go.

Smoking in public is undoubtedly detrimental to society. It is not necessarily unsightly. After all, a smoking, brooding hipster is infinitely cooler-looking than a non-smoking, brooding hipster. But it can kill you and the people around you. Each breath of secondhand smoke takes time off your life. It smells bad, and it’s unhealthy. Cigarette smoke and cigarette butts pollute our air and water. And no matter what kind of addictive grasp nicotine has on your body, smoking will never be a bodily function.

So, if smokers are going to keep bitching that their rights are being taken away, why haven’t serial public urinators ever staged an uprising? Just sayin’.

127 Comments

Filed under As Seen On Gawker, Life in NYC, Politics

It’s Mourning in America

Dammit, it’s a National Day of Mourning, and I’m stuck at work!

Even worse, my clients are off today, so I have nothing to do.

Come on! I could be sleeping shopping mourning right now!

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Filed under Politics

Sullivan For President

This message was posted on the Facebook Wall of a political candidate I actually voted for this morning:

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Congratulations, Brittney Sullivan, for single-handedly setting back the women’s movement by several decades! I’m really proud that you and I pulled the same lever this morning… or do you believe you shouldn’t be able to vote, either? 

1 Comment

Filed under General stupidity, Politics

Vote or Something

It’s Election Day! I made my visit to the polls first thing this morning, but there’s plenty of time left today to get out there and vote.

To motivate you to get out there and do your civic duty, I’ve provided some Get Out The Vote Slogans For Those Who Think “Vote or Die” Is Too Violent:

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Happy Voting!

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Filed under Politics

Getting Political: Just Shut Up.

Dear John Kerry,

Shut the fuck up. Seriously. I see you weren’t content with just blowing the Democrats’ chances in 2004, so you’re going ahead and doing it again in 2006. Way to go, dumbass.

And then, once you fuck up, you go and call it a botched joke insist, “I was talking about Bush.” No, you weren’t, idiot. You were talking about a draft. But a draft is obviously way too controversial an issue for you to bring up when John McCain says we need 100,000 new troops over there and we have no idea where those 100,000 are going to come from.

Not only that, but you want to fuck it up for us again in 2008, too? Go away, you spineless babbling idiot.

With My Blessings for Your Retirement,
Chris

P.S. I suggest that we all adopt this phrase:

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Filed under Politics

Get Your Priorities Straight

(Or, Chris’ passion for politics makes a rare appearance)

An investigation into the teen page sex scandal that has rocked Washington, D.C., in recent days is expected to last weeks, not months, members of the House Ethics Committee announced today. A subcommittee looking into the matter issued four dozen subpoenas today for House members and officers, according to committee chairman Rep. Doc Hastings (R-Wa.). “The American people and especially the parents of all pages are entitled to know how this was able to happen,” Hastings said. He added, “We have no other higher priority.”

Really? You have no other higher priority? Hmm. How about our soldiers dying overseas? Our national health insurance crisis? The ongoing threats to our Homeland Security? The swell of illegal immigrants crossing our borders? Nope, I guess those take a backseat to a guy who did something that’s apparently more unethical than… oh, I don’t know, fighting an unjust, unprovoked war at the saking of thousands of innocent lives.

Okay, I’m done. I just needed to get that off my chest. Thanks.

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Filed under Politics