Category Archives: Sports

Tough Question, Tougher Answers

On ESPN.com right now:

 toughquestion.jpg

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Filed under General stupidity, Sports

amNY in Denial about Yankees’ Fall to 3rd Place

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At left, the AL East Standings in this morning’s am New York.
At right, the actual standings, as reported by ESPN.com.

A lot of Yankee-Haters claim the Yankees cheat, but now they’re just outright stealing another team’s record? This has gone too far!

Related: lolyankees

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Filed under amNY Watch, Sports

I’m Too Busy at Work, So Here’s a Topic of Discussion

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In light of recent events, does anyone feel dirty when they see a little kid wearing an A-Rod t-shirt?

Discuss. Bonus points for not using the following terms in your response: Boston, Red Sox, Jeter, Purse Slap, “I Got It,” Stripper, and Closet Homosexual.

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Filed under Sports

Buy Me Some Bandwidth and Cracker Jacks

The view from my seat at Shea Stadium:

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As far as we could tell, this guy was trying to find a WiFi connection. He closed his laptop about 30 seconds later, so we can only presume that there were either no networks present, or Shea Stadium’s neighbors secure their wireless networks out of fear of 50,000 laptop-wielding Mets fans trying to leech off their Internet connection.

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Filed under Geekery, Sports

Rocket Scientists React to Yankees’ Announcement

The New York Yankees announced yesterday that The Rocket will be returning to New York and signing a minor-league contract worth $28 million. What do rocket scientists think?

rocketscience.jpg“A rocket for $28 mill? Pfft. Must be a one-stage rocket. That won’t get them very far.”

“Did you hear all that noise in the Bronx yesterday? That was the sound of the combustion of propellant, the escape of exhaust through a nozzle, and the upward thrust of the engine.”

“The fact that the Yankees claimed to ever have The Rocket to begin with just goes to show how pompous the team’s management is. Where’s their launch site? Who was the crew? I don’t buy it.”

“Let’s hope this Rocket is more like Apollo 11 than, say, Apollo 1.”

“I heard The Rocket came from Houston, so it’s gotta be the best in the business… as long as NASA didn’t work on it.”

“Even the most advanced rocket science can’t help solve the Yankees’ bullpen problems.”

“Everyone knows The Rocket belongs in Massachusetts, back where it got its start! You know, where the first liquid-fueled rocket was launched!”

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Filed under Geekery, Sports

BYOT? STFU.

printtickets.jpgI’m not a technophobe by any means. In fact, I consider myself to be pretty tech-savvy. But there are a few advances in technology that I have resisted. One of them is the “print-your-own-ticket” phoenomenon.

Now, I’ll admit, I think this is a pretty cool idea – if you’re going to an event that’s less than 48 hours away. But the last time I checked, you can’t make a split-second decision to go to a Yankees-Red Sox game that sells out in 20 minutes. And those are the types of venues where ticket agencies push this service. Give me a fucking break.

For one thing, I like a real ticket. I like something printed on heavy paper stock. I like something that I won’t accidentally throw away. I like something that I can keep as a momento of the event after it happens. Try saving a stack of 8 1/2″ x 11″ sheets of computer paper in a shoebox for safe keeping.

Secondly, I’m not trustworthy of my printer. If it screws up for some reason, or the ink gets smudged, and the people at the gates can’t scan the barcode on my ticket, I’m screwed. If someone else is printing the tickets, I can blame them for the screw-up. And typically, they don’t screw up, because they’re printing on paper that won’t smudge or rip easily.

Finally, though, here’s the kicker. I’m a frugal person to begin with. And I hate Ticketmaster with a passion. So when Ticketmaster has the nerve to ask for more money out of me when they’re already charging me half the ticket price in “convenience charges,” I will gladly say, “fuck no!” Take a look at their offer to me last week:

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Let’s see… I can get professionally-printed tickets on heavy paper stock in the mail for free, or I can print my own tickets at home for $2.50! Let me think here… I can spend money to use my own resources to print my tickets on computer paper… or I can make Ticketmaster spend their money to print my tickets for absolutely no charge.

Seriously, who is that gullible? 

Here’s one obvious answer – the Yankees fans I saw on Saturday carrying their print-at-home tickets and wearing this shirt:

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Filed under General stupidity, Sports

This is What I Get For Living in New York

alarmclock.jpgI broke my alarm clock this morning. This isn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last.

Actually, it would be the last if I just kept the damn thing set to music or an alarm to wake me up, rather than WCBS 880.

This morning, I woke up with memories of my Buffalo Sabres’ 5-2 win over the Rangers dancing in my head. Around 8:15, I was lying in bed, when the sports update came on:

News Anchor: Now, WCBS 880 sports with Jared Max. Jared, tough night for the Rangers last night, huh?

Sports Anchor: Eh, Buffalo Shmuffalo!

This jolted me out of bed, where I leaped over to my dresser and literally punched my alarm clock.

Those who know me would not expect this out of me, and may suddenly think I have anger management problems. Really, it’s not that; it’s just that you CAN’T piss me off like that first thing in the morning. I will hold you responsible for ruining my day.

As I mentioned, this is not the first time I have broken an alarm clock over something I heard on WCBS. The day was October 16, 2003, the morning before the Yankees’ improbable win over the Red Sox in Game 7 of the ALCS. I was lying in bed when the traffic report came on:

Traffic Reporter: Alternate-side traffic rules, and the Curse of the Bambino are in effect today!

Bang. My alarm clock flew off my nightstand and into my wall. That was the day I decided to move my alarm clock out of reach of my bed.

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Filed under Sports